


i was only for your very space

by heartwasalegend



Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-15 08:55:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartwasalegend/pseuds/heartwasalegend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follows Rachel and Quinn's evolving relationship over the course of their first year out of high school.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i was only for your very space

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I haven't actually seen the show since 'On My Way', and first started writing it around then, so I guess you could say it's a little AU. Anything that makes sense with current canon is just stuff I gleaned from tumblr. Sorry for any glaring inaccuracies about Yale/NYADA, I'm kind of a lazy researcher, so my bad. Also there's a decent amount of Veronica Mars spoilers in this.

Classes have only been in session for a few weeks when Rachel shows up at her dorm. She’s just getting back from her Voice I class when she spots her, sitting on the steps of her building flipping through a seriously dog-eared paperback copy of _The Virgin Suicides_.

“That book is so morbid,” Quinn says in lieu of greeting. “Why are you reading it?”

Rachel glances up at her, squinting in the blinding September sun. “It’s cathartic. No matter how bad things seem, at least I’m an only child.”

“Rachel, I don’t think they killed themselves because it’s so trying to have _siblings_ ,” Quinn points out.

Rachel just laughs and says, “Hi.”

Quinn shifts her bag off her shoulder and sets it down on the bottom step, before taking a seat next to Rachel.

“So, what brings you to Yale?”

Rachel stiffens next to her, before rolling her shoulders and tucking her book back in her purse. “Thought I’d check up on the facilities. See how they stack up against NYADA.”

“Long way to go just to check out the facilities.”

Rachel just shrugs and says, “Only a couple of hours, and I like to be thorough.” 

Quinn rolls her eyes and presses back up to her feet. “Well come on then. I’ll show you around.”

 

Finn leaves for basic training right around midterms. 

Rachel shows up at Quinn’s dorm the day before a monologue test that will determine fifty percent of her final grade. 

Her eyes are red-rimmed and anxious as she takes in the stacks of annotated papers scattered across Quinn’s desk.

“God, I’m sorry, Quinn,” she says, sniffling. “I should’ve called first.”

Quinn shakes her head, pulls her door wide and ushers Rachel inside.

“I heard about Finn,” she says, quietly shutting the door behind her. “That’s – “

Rachel laughs a little and says, “Quinn, I don’t expect you to console me. Not about Finn.”

“It’s okay, really,” Quinn says softly. 

Rachel glances at her tearfully. “It’s just really real now. I always thought – it’s silly but I really believed we’d end up together. I had this idea in my head that he’d show up in New York and we’d – “ she sniffs and rolls her eyes. “But he’s really going. He’s already gone.”

“Just to basic,” Quinn says, reaching out to pat Rachel somewhat awkwardly on the shoulder. “Can – do you need anything? Water or something?”

“No, no,” Rachel refuses quickly. “Please don’t go out of your way for me. This was all so stupid. I’m imposing terribly.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Quinn shakes her head and gestures towards her bed, “If you want to just hang out for a while you – um – my laptop is there. Netflix should already be open so – “

Rachel sits and wipes at her eyes before asking, “What are you working on?”

Quinn straightens a few pages and says, “It’s a monologue. I have to perform it tomorrow.”

Rachel’s eyes light up and her face visibly brightens. “Can I hear it?”

“Oh I don’t know, Rachel,” Quinn says quickly.

“Come on!” Rachel says, her fists balling together and pressing against her knees. “I promise to keep my criticisms strictly constructive!”

Quinn rolls her eyes before reaching for the page she needs. “Fine, but know that this is a one time deal, Berry, and I’m only allowing this because you look really pathetic right now.”

Rachel just grins and gestures for her to begin.

Quinn takes a moment to straighten her shoulders, and slips into character before she begins to speak.

“We must go away, but we must talk first. That is, I must speak, for until now you have done all the talking. You have told me about your life – now I will tell you about mine – “ 

 

“When’s your train?”

It’s late November and they’re sitting on a bench just outside Quinn’s residence hall, sipping coffees and watching puffy snowflakes drift down from the uncertain grey sky. Rachel pulls her phone from her pocket and checks the time before sighing.

“Not for another few hours,” she says. 

“I don’t know how you can stand all the travel,” Quinn replies, shaking her head lightly.

“I’m used to commuting. My vocal coach growing up lived about two hours away. It’s kind of soothing actually, to have time alone, given that my roommate is quite possibly certifiably insane.”

“Oh, really?” Quinn asks, grinning.

“Yes,” Rachel responds primly. “Anyone who could possibly entertain the idea that they were more vocally or dramatically talented than I – “

Quinn elbows Rachel hard enough to jostle her a few inches down the bench. Rachel makes a little affronted noise before laughing. “I’m joking, obviously,” she grins before adding, “You know you should really come to New York one of these weekends.”

“And steal all your ‘showing up unannounced’ thunder?” Quinn mocks lightly. “I could never.”

“I’m just saying, you can’t stay cooped up in New Haven forever,” Rachel says. “You’ll drown in all the pretension.”

Quinn snorts and says, “Rachel, your school’s mascots are the _Muses_. Are you really in a position to comment on pretension?”

Rachel just shrugs and takes a sip of her coffee before saying, “Well at least winter break is coming up. You’ll have to leave then.”

“Actually,” Quinn says, shifting uneasily. “I wasn’t really planning on going home over Christmas.”

Rachel’s jaw literally drops. “What? You can’t really be considering spending the holidays _here_.”

“Why not?” Quinn bristles. “I don’t see the point in making the trip home for just a few days.”

“Aren’t they kicking you out?” Rachel asks. 

“I’m apartment sitting for a TA in one of my classes,” Quinn replies uneasily. “She has a dog and she doesn’t want to fly home with him.”

“But – but,” Rachel stammers. “It’s _Christmas_! I don’t exactly know the ins and outs of your religion, Quinn, but isn’t the birth of Christ kind of a big deal?”

“Why do you care?” Quinn snaps. “It’s not like it’s any of your business what I do and don’t do.”

Rachel visibly shrinks into herself. “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“You didn’t,” Quinn says, fighting to keep her voice even. “I’m just not going back, end of story.”

Rachel watches her with these really irritatingly sincere eyes for a few moments before finally saying, “If it’s a matter of not wanting to – to spend it with _your_ family, you’re always welcome to come stay with me.”

“Rachel, just – “ Quinn grinds out through her clenched jaw. “Just leave it alone.”

“I think you would have a really good time – “

Quinn leaves at that, stalking away at a brisk pace and swallowing down the burn in her lungs that has nothing to do with the chill in the air.

 

Rachel updates her Facebook status on the 25th. 

**Rachel Berry** _hopes everyone is having a wonderful holiday season and wishes all those who celebrate it a very Merry Christmas!_

Finn, Kurt, Brittany and Mercedes ‘like’ it.

Quinn logs off, watches six episodes of _The Good Wife_ and falls asleep before ten.

 

A few of the juniors in her program get back to New Haven in time for New Year’s Eve and Quinn winds up being dragged to a bar near her TA April’s apartment to ring in the new year. She spends most of the night warding off the advances of Gabe from her text analysis class, before finally giving up and heading home before midnight.

April’s dog is waiting for her at the door, all yappy and drooly and demanding of her attention. She scoops him up in her arms and heads to the guest bedroom she’s been staying in. Her laptop is still open on the bed and she logs into Facebook out of habit. An alert for a new message comes in when she’s scrolling through her newsfeed.

It’s from Rachel.

_Quinn,_

_I know that we left things on less than the best of terms but I just wanted to send you a message to wish you a very Happy New Year. I hope New Haven is treating you well and that you’ve enjoyed your holiday season. All of the old glee clubbers got together on Boxing Day and your presence was definitely missed. Particularly by Santana who wanted me to pass on the message that “you had best be back for spring break or she’ll walk to Yale and drag you back by your dumb blonde ponytail.” Her words, obviously. Anyways, I hope to speak to you soon._

_Sincerely,_

_Rachel_

She signs into Facebook chat and hovers over Rachel’s name for just a moment before clicking.

 **Quinn Fabray**  
No big New Years plans Berry?

 **Rachel Berry**  
Noah is hosting a party but my dads and I have always  
spent New Years watching movies together. I didn’t  
want to buck tradition. Why aren’t you out tonight?

 **Quinn Fabray**  
I was for a bit, but I’m not much for New Years.  
What are your plans for the rest of the break?

 **Rachel Berry**  
I head back to the city on the fifth. My dads  
are going on a cruise so there isn’t much point  
in me sticking around.

 **Quinn Fabray**  
When do you start classes?

 **Rachel Berry**  
Not until the 15th. You?

 **Quinn Fabray**  
Dorms open on the 9th, classes start on the 14th.

 **Rachel Berry**  
I see.

Quinn hesitates for a moment, chewing at her bottom lip. Suddenly she hears the crack of a firework going off somewhere beyond her window, followed by a few stray cheers. Her eyes dart to the corner of the screen where the time reads 12:00 AM.

 **Quinn Fabray**  
You should come visit.

 **Rachel Berry**  
I’d say I’ll let you know what day to expect me  
but we both know I prefer the drama of showing  
up unannounced.

 **Quinn Fabray**  
Happy New Year.

 **Rachel Berry**  
Happy New Year, Quinn.

 

 

Rachel turns up just before noon on the tenth, holding a reusable grocery bag and grinning from ear to ear. Quinn laughs and rolls her eyes before leading Rachel to her room.

She sets the bag down on Quinn’s desk and pulls a few snack foods from it before turning around and holding up a boxed set of DVDs.

“Got this for Hanukkah from my aunt,” Rachel says. “Have you ever seen it?”

Quinn pulls the DVDs from between Rachel’s fingers and reads the cover. She vaguely recognizes the name ‘Veronica Mars’ from somewhere. Maybe Santana’s house or something.

“Nope,” she says, handing them back. “But I have feeling I’m about to.”

Rachel grins and gestures to the window with a slight jerk of her head. “It’s awful out there so I thought an indoor activity might be a nice way to spend today.”

Quinn takes a seat on her bed and pulls her laptop into her lap. “Sounds good.”

Rachel gingerly sits next to her, their shoulders brushing together for a moment when she pulls out the first disk and passes it to Quinn.

They make it through about thirty seconds of previews before Rachel clears her throat, and in the smallest voice possible says, “I’m really sorry about my last visit. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.”

Quinn’s in no mood to rehash it so she just nudges Rachel with her elbow and shushes her. “No talking during the show.”

Out of the corner of her eye she sees a quick flash of teeth when Rachel smiles, before she presses her lips together and settles into Quinn’s pillows.

 

When Quinn wakes it’s dark in the room. The DVD home screen is playing on a loop on the laptop that’s been completely knocked askew by their sleeping bodies. Rachel is breathing softly next to her, with her fists balled up under her chin and her eyebrows knit together like she’s concentrating very hard on something.

“Rachel,” Quinn says, pushing lightly at her shoulder to rouse her. “Wake up.”

A moment later Rachel inhales sharply and her eyes flutter open. She looks around groggily for a moment before her eyes focus on Quinn and she says, “Did she figure out who her dad is?”

Quinn laughs. “I have no idea. I fell asleep too.”

Rachel blinks a few times before suddenly bolting to her feet. “Oh my god what time is it? My train!”

She starts frantically rummaging through Quinn’s room, pulling on a shoe here and a scarf there before she comes to a dead stop in the middle of the room and breathlessly asks, “Where did you hide my phone?”

Quinn’s mouth drops open. “Are you seriously trying to blame me for you misplacing your phone right now?”

“Well maybe if you picked up around here every once in a while – “

“Rachel.”

Rachel ducks down to her knees and peers under the bed as Quinn reaches over and turns on her bedside lamp.

“Shit,” Rachel says, crawling back and forth across the floor, checking under stray socks and books before tossing them carelessly aside. “Shit, shit, shit.”

Quinn watches her with a bemused expression for a few minutes.

“Rachel, why don’t you just stay here?”

Rachel stops rummaging abruptly and peers up at Quinn. “What like – sleep over?”

Quinn shrugs. “I mean, I’m probably not going to braid your hair or anything but yeah sure.”

“Why?” Rachel asks bluntly.

“Because it’s really late and frankly this whole daytrip shit is a little ridiculous,” Quinn says. “I’m not buying the crazy roommate story, because I saw that the two of you are ‘in a relationship’ on Facebook. Which is so lame by the way.” 

Rachel ducks her head, and shrugs sheepishly. “It was her idea. She thought it would be funny and it just seemed easier to go along with it.”

Quinn rolls her eyes a little and gestures at her laptop. “Just stay. I really want to see what happens with Duncan.”

Rachel stares at her blankly for a full minute before slowly rising to her feet and dropping back down onto Quinn’s bed.

“Alright,” she says, reaching for Quinn’s laptop. “What’s the last thing you remember watching?”

 

The sight of Rachel chowing down on Raisin Bran and almond milk – that she just happens to keep in her purse for emergencies – in her floor’s common room is so incredibly absurd and somehow completely natural that it makes Quinn’s head spin. Granted, that could also be from staying up until three in the morning watching Veronica Mars.

Rachel’s wearing a pair of old Cheerios sweats and a NYADA hoodie, and Quinn has the strangest urge to snap a picture on her phone and send it to Santana with the caption ‘Help me’. It would make Santana laugh, but just thinking about actually doing it makes Quinn feel vaguely guilty, so she refrains.

“How many episodes do we have left?” Rachel asks, dabbing almost delicately at her mouth with the sleeve of her hoodie.

“Seven.”

“Think we can get through them all today?”

Quinn dips her spoon into her cereal, pushes around the last few soggy Fruit Loops and says, “Well we’re certainly going to try.”

Rachel nods and under her breath she murmurs, “Perhaps if you can limit yourself to one bathroom break per episode we might make it.”

“Sorry, what was that?” Quinn asks, cocking an eyebrow.

“I’m just saying your bladder really slowed our progress yesterday,” Rachel says, the edges of her mouth quirking just slightly. “Maybe you have an infection. When was your last check up?”

Outraged, Quinn sends a packet of artificial sweetener sailing across the table towards Rachel, who ducks at the last minute. Her head pops up a second later, grinning from ear to ear.

“I had to take so many bathroom breaks because you kept plying me with those weird organic drinks you brought,” Quinn says. “It was like you were trying to get me drunk on juice made of carrots and dirt.”

“You loved that carrot-ginger medley and you know it.”

Quinn grabs her cereal bowl and takes off, throwing a glance over her shoulder at Rachel. “Come on, Berry, we have a show to watch.”

 

 

They’re just about to start the final episode of the season when there’s a knock at Quinn’s door. 

“Wait a sec.”

Quinn hits the spacebar to pause and crawls over Rachel’s feet before hopping off the edge of the bed, and answering the door.

“Well hi there, Jake.”

Jake grins and pulls Quinn into a quick hug. “How were your holidays neighbor?”

“Fine,” Quinn says before gesturing over her shoulder and adding. “That’s Rachel. She’s from back home.”

Jake peeks his head in the door and waves. “Hi, Rachel. I live next door.” 

Rachel waves weakly.

“So, guess who got back today?”

Quinn furrows her brow. “Who?”

“Curly.”

Quinn eyes widen immediately. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jake says. “See you there?”

Quinn nods and then Jakes gone with a final wave in Rachel’s direction. She shuts the door and turns back, only to see Rachel looking at her blankly.

“What just happened?” she asks. “Who is Curly?”

“He’s a freshman in Architecture, he lives up on the third floor,” Quinn says. “He has what can only be described as an _infallible_ fake ID.”

“Oh?” 

Quinn heads back to the bed and reaches out to shut her laptop. “So, you wanna go to a party?”

Rachel gives her an incredulous look. “Quinn, I’m dressed like a total slob.”

“You have the jeans you came here in and I’m sure I can find a shirt that will fit your tiny little body.”

“Hey!” 

“I mean you obviously don’t have to come,” Quinn says. “But you’re welcome to stay another night and I think you’d have a good time.”

Rachel looks down at her hands for a moment before saying, “Fine, but if there are any pink wine coolers there, then I’m going home.”

Quinn laughs. “Oh, are you not a fan of those?”

Rachel rolls her eyes.

 

It's two in the morning and Rachel is singing 'We Found Love' at the very tops of her lungs to a rapt audience of drunken Yale freshmen. 

"Rachel is awesome," Jake says, passing her another beer. 

"Rachel is hammered," Quinn replies blearily, feeling slightly less than sober herself. 

"Yeah but the girl can sing."

"Yeah," Quinn agrees softly. 

Rachel's song winds down to a few loud whoops and some genuine applause. 

"Thank you," Rachel says, speaking into her empty wine cooler like a microphone and swaying like tall grass in the wind. "You've been a wonderful audience. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Quinn Fabray for bringing me here tonight - "

There's some more cheers and applause and something warm settles in Quinn's gut at the thought that these people - these wasted, practical strangers - are happy to have her here. Happy to get to know her. 

"For my final performance I'd like Quinn to come up and join me."

"Time to go!" Quinn calls abruptly, even as a few people start calling for her to sing. 

Quinn marches over to Rachel, traps her in the most casual looking headlock she can manage and drags her towards the door. 

"Curly, always a pleasure!" Quinn calls over her shoulder. 

Rachel wiggles out of Quinn's gasp and bolts for Curly, throwing her arms tightly around his neck. 

"Thank you for having us," Rachel says, slurring slightly. "It was such a privilege to meet you. Congratulations on your fake ID."

Curly laughs and pats Rachel on the shoulder. "Thanks man, come back anytime."

Rachel grins before scampering back to the door. Quinn rolls her eyes and takes off down the hall as quick as she can, just to laugh at the way that Rachel has to jog to keep up with her. 

 

Quinn is just on the edge of sleep when she feels a soft, warm weight fall on her hip. It takes her a minute to figure out that it’s Rachel’s hand resting on her side.

“Quinn?” Rachel’s voice sounds low and sleepy and so, so close.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad we’re kind of friends.”

Quinn breaking out into laughter might not have been the reaction that Rachel was looking for, but barely a moment later the fingers laying across her hip press down sharply and Rachel is laughing along with her. Another moment passes before Rachel’s forehead slumps between Quinn’s shoulder blades, warm breath bleeding through her t-shirt on every exhale.

“Sorry,” Rachel mutters.

Quinn laughs until her eyes sting with something that she’s really too drunk to figure out.

 

Quinn wakes to the sound of her door clicking shut. She rolls over and sees Rachel, pausing mid tiptoe in the center of the room, and smiling at her nervously.

“Sorry,” Rachel says, her voice sounding scratchy and worn. “I didn’t mean to wake you, I was just trying to find some water.”

Quinn rubs at her eyes and tries to get her bearings. Her head spins when she attempts to sit up, so she slumps back down into the pillows.

“There’s Gatorade in my closet,” she mutters, throwing an arm across her eyes to block out the light.

“Oh,” Rachel says, and Quinn hears the sound of her closet door sliding open. “Do you want one?”

“Please,” Quinn says.

There’s a slight dip in the mattress near her knee. Quinn peeks an eye open, then holds her hand out to accept the bright red bottle of Gatorade from Rachel’s outstretched arm.

“So,” Rachel says, tearing at the label of her bottle. “When I was out wandering the halls this morning, some guy stopped me to tell me that he really enjoyed my performance last night. Do you have any idea what that might mean?”

A memory of Rachel singing into a half empty bottle comes rushing back and Quinn nearly spits the liquid in her mouth across the room. 

“You really don’t remember?” Quinn asks, clamping down on laughter.

“No!” Rachel looks horrified. “Oh my gosh, what did I do?”

Quinn laughs and says, “Nothing you probably wouldn’t have done sober. You put on a bit of a one-woman show. Just singing,” she adds quickly when Rachel’s eyes widen in horror. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

“Oh god,” Rachel groans, pressing the heel of her hand to her eye socket. “I really hoped that that was something I’d grow out of.”

“Guess not.” Quinn says with a grin.

“Also,” Rachel begins quietly. “I – I woke up kind of – spooning you? It’s another one of my bad drunken habits. I mean, it’s just kind of a compulsion. I just – like to cuddle? I’m really sorry if it made you feel – “

“Oh god stop talking,” Quinn interjects, rubbing at her throbbing temples. “I don’t care that you snuggled me or whatever. I didn’t even notice.”

Rachel takes a deep breath and nods.

After a minute of silence Quinn leans over to grab her laptop from under the bed.

“We gotta watch the finale.”

Rachel somewhat gingerly shifts until she’s sitting at the head of Quinn’s bed, leaving plenty of space between them. Quinn rolls her eyes a little, but doesn’t comment as she turns on her laptop and opens up the DVD drive. 

 

“Oh my god.”

“I – “

“What – “

They’re both silent for a second before Rachel turns to Quinn, hand clamping down urgently on her arm. 

“Who’s at the door!?” she cries, fingers digging into her skin.

Quinn shakes her head and blows out a breath. “I have no idea.”

Rachel glances back at the laptop. “It has to be Duncan.”

“Or Logan,” Quinn says. “Or Wallace even, I guess.”

“It’s Duncan,” Rachel says, nodding resolutely. “It _has_ to be. If you had just found out that the love of your life actually wasn’t your sister, you’d want to rekindle your romance as quickly as possible, right?”

Quinn stares at Rachel blankly. “I’m having a hard time relating, weirdly enough.”

Rachel rolls her eyes. “I’m just saying. They’re meant for each other.”

“I kind of like Logan.”

“Says the girl who had Noah Puckerman’s baby. Of course you like Logan,” Rachel shoots back, eyes widening a little when her words catch up to her, as if she’s worried Quinn’s going to be upset.

“Duncan is so doofy looking, though,” she says with a grin, nudging at Rachel until she cracks a smile.

Rachel shakes her head. “I wish we had the second season. I could watch this all day, although, I really should be getting back.”

“You wanna check train times?” 

“Please,” Rachel says.

 

“I just wonder where they’ll take season two, since the whole Lily thing was resolved,” Rachel says, breath coming out in visible puffs in the cool evening air.

“Yeah,” Quinn agrees. “Must not be anything too impressive. I looked it up on Wikipedia and it only ran for three seasons.”

“That’s hardly indicative of the quality of a show,” Rachel points out. “Plenty of terrible shows get four, five, six seasons, even.”

Rachel reaches the door to the train station first and holds it open for Quinn. She walks in, only belatedly realizing that this is the first time she’s ever been here. She’s never walked Rachel back before. She wonders if that’s rude.

“Anyways,” Rachel says, pulling up short and adjusting her bags. “Thanks for having me. I had a great time.”

“Sure thing,” Quinn says, shifting a little awkwardly. “Uh – bye?”

Rachel rolls her eyes and pulls Quinn into a hug that feels brief, but very sincere. 

“See you soon?” Rachel says, tilting her head questioningly.

“Yeah,” Quinn says, laughing a little in spite of herself. “See you soon.” 

 

A few weeks later she’s wandering around Target looking for tweezers when she stumbles upon a discounted bin of season DVDs. It’s kind of a long shot but she spends the next five minutes digging through the pile anyways. Just as she’s about to give up, an employee dumps a whole other box in with the rest. Right on top, is the second season of Veronica Mars.

“You have to be joking,” she murmurs softly.

“What?”

Quinn looks up and meets the gaze of a gangly, teenaged stock boy.

“Nothing,” she says, smiling politely. She plucks the boxed set from the pile and heads off towards the register.

She calls Rachel the second the cashier hands her the receipt.

“Hey Quinn,” she answers cheerfully. “What can I do for you?”

“Guess what I just bought.”

Rachel is silent for a long moment.

“Okay,” Quinn interjects finally. “I’ll just tell you then.”

“No!” Rachel cries. “I’m just narrowing down my guesses to three!”

Quinn rolls her eyes so hard she’s sure that Rachel must feel it from New York. “Fine. Let’s hear them.”

“Okay,” Rachel says. “Marijuana?”

Quinn laughs. “No! What - ? You’re insane. Guess again.”

“Second guess: a Four Loko?”

“Are you kidding?“ Quinn laughs again. “No! What do you think I do in my spare time?”

“Well it is _college_ Quinn,” Rachel huffs.

“Oh, so are you just smoking tons of pot and chugging Four Lokos over there?”

“Well no, but I go to a well-respected dramatic arts academy – “

“I go to Yale!” Quinn cries incredulously.

“Well there’s no need to brag – “

“What’s your third guess?’ Quinn interjects.

“I don’t want to say,” Rachel says. “I’m embarrassed now.”

Quinn grins into the receiver. “You have to tell me.”

Rachel heaves a sigh and quietly mutters, “Condoms.”

Quinn’s laughter only barely drowns out Rachel’s indignant sigh.

“You’re ridiculous,” Quinn says, after she catches her breath.

“I’m beginning to realize that,” Rachel muses. “So, what did you buy?”

“This is going to sound very anticlimactic,” Quinn replies. “But I got the second season of Veronica Mars.”

“Oh!” Rachel replies. “That’s much more exciting than any of my guesses!”

Quinn shakes her head. “So should I be expecting you this weekend?”

“I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you,” Rachel replies with a dramatic sigh.

“See you later, Berry.”

“Bye Quinn,” she says. “Oh, and you better not start without me.”

Quinn grins. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

 

“Okay so, full disclosure,” Quinn says as they’re settling onto her bed with her laptop. “I may have watched a few episodes.”

“Quinn Fabray!” Rachel cries, reaching for a pillow and swatting Quinn in the shoulder with it. “You little sneak!”

“I’m sorry,” Quinn says sincerely. “I just couldn’t wait!”

Rachel glares at her for a few seconds before laughing a little.

“What?” Quinn asks.

“I – “ Rachel bites down on a smile. “I may have also downloaded a few episodes.”

Quinn’s jaw drops. “I thought you were against ‘piracy of all forms’!” she says, in a squeaky imitation of Rachel’s voice.

“Well in theory yes,” Rachel says. “But until any of _my_ work is available for purchase, I’m not terribly bothered.”

“How far in are you?”

Rachel winces a little and says, “I’ve seen the first five episodes.”

Quinn laughs. “Same. Disc two it is.”

 

They called it quits a half hour ago but Quinn can tell Rachel is still awake next to her. The room is dark and quiet, but Rachel is radiating tension. The kind of tension that Quinn would be able to pick up from across the room, let alone from the other side of her tiny bed. 

“Rach?”

Rachel shifts a little and says, “Yeah?”

“What’s up?” Quinn asks.

“Just thinking.”

Quinn rolls onto her back. “About?”

“Nothing major just,” she says softly. “Spring break is coming up.”

“Okay.”

“Mercedes is coming home. Mike too,” Rachel goes on. “Santana and Brittany are heading to Mexico last I heard, but I think Sam and the other glee kids should be around.”

“Rachel,” Quinn says with a roll of her eyes. “Just ask.”

“Are you – “ Rachel trails off, clearing her throat. “Do you think you’ll head back as well?”

Quinn thinks back to her mother’s last email. How hopeful she’d sounded when she’d asked if she should get Quinn’s room ready for her.

“Yeah,” she breathes. “I think I will.”

“Cool,” Rachel says after a pause, smile just about audible. “It’ll be nice to have you around.”

“Wish I could say the same about you,” Quinn jokes softly.

“You’re a terrible person, you know that?” Rachel replies.

“I have my moments,” Quinn concedes with a grin. “Go to sleep.”

“Okay,” Rachel replies, rolling away. “Goodnight Quinn.”

 

She only makes it three hours at home before she starts to lose it a little bit. Her mother has made all of Quinn’s favorite foods for dinner, she’s tidied Quinn’s room to the point that it’s barely recognizable and that’s just the tip of the smothering iceberg. After Judy dumps a third helping of red velvet cake on her plate Quinn nearly explodes.

Judy just doesn’t seem to know how to stop apologizing for everything that happened sophmore year, and Quinn doesn’t know how to tell her that the apology ship sailed around the time she moved houses for the third time in a year. They’ve been at an impasse for years now.

Quinn reaches for her phone as her mother fusses with the dishes. She scrolls through her recent calls and hits send when she lands on Rachel’s name.

“Hey!” she answers brightly. Quinn makes out a few voices in the background and the distinct scrape of cutlery.

“Bad time?” Quinn asks.

“Not at all,” Rachel replies. “Just finishing up dinner with my dads. Are you in Lima?”

“Yeah,” Quinn says. “Got in a few hours ago.”

“Great! Your mom must be happy to have you home.”

“Something like that,” Quinn mutters sourly.

“Hey are you – “ Rachel trails off, speaking to someone in a low voice. There’s some rustling and then it’s quiet. “Sorry, they can be a little well – you know. Are you okay? You sound a little off.”

“It’s nothing just,” Quinn sighs. “My mom can be a little much sometimes.”

“I’m sure she means well.”

“Yeah.” Quinn blows out a slow breath. “Sorry to interrupt your dinner. I should let you get back.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Rachel says quickly. “Hey do you want to come over in a little bit? My dads have other plans and I kind of just want to watch a movie or something.”

“Are you sure?” Quinn asks. “I don’t want to – impose or anything.”

“Really, Quinn?” Rachel drawls. “I practically live at your dorm. I owe you – in fact, you should bring your overnight stuff. We can even the score a little.”

“Are you sure?”

“I expect you here in no more than thirty minutes, Fabray,” Rachel replies sternly.

“Okay, okay,” Quinn laughs. “I’ll see you soon.”

 

Quinn’s not sure if what they’re doing even qualifies as a sleepover anymore. It’s been four nights and Quinn has yet to sleep at home. Sure, she heads home during the day to put in face time with her mother, but after whatever activities Judy seems to think they should run through, Quinn winds up back at Rachel’s.

On the fifth night Rachel decides to round up as many of the old glee kids as she can, and have them over.

Most of them show up together and seeing them all again is strange, in about the nicest way possible. Tina and Mike both greet her with a warm hug, Kurt kisses her on the cheek and compliments her dress and Puck winks at her lecherously and then blows a raspberry on the side of her face. Sam follows behind him, scoops her up with a goofy grin and carries her around for a little while, before dumping her on Rachel’s couch next to Sugar. Sugar immediately informs her that she’ll be enrolling at Yale next fall, in the event that the whole ‘internet sensation’ thing doesn’t work out.

Artie rescues her from that inexplicable whirlwind of a conversation by suggesting they head to the skate park in a few days, for old times sake.

If any of them find it unusual that Quinn seems to be hosting just as much as Rachel is, none of them mention it.

 

Predictably, they wind up singing karaoke.

Puck drags her up onto the little stage in Rachel’s basement and they sing a reasonably decent version of “Black Velvet” together, before Mercedes and Blaine duet on “I Got You Babe”.

Sam sings “Don’t Dream It’s Over” and Sugar makes it halfway through “One Less Lonely Girl” before Quinn realizes she hasn’t seen Rachel in a while. When Sugar winds down with an ear-splitting final note, Quinn quietly excuses herself and gingerly steps around the pile of laughing bodies strewn across the floor. 

She heads upstairs, thinking Rachel probably just went to refill the snacks. Rachel’s dads are in the living room watching a movie and she offers them a small wave on her way past. When she’s just about to round the corner into the kitchen, she picks up two quiet voices that she recognizes as belonging to Kurt and Rachel. Quinn can’t quite make out what they’re saying, but she has the sneaking suspicion that it’s none of her business. 

After a few moments of weighing her options, she silently retreats a few steps and then retraces them with heavy feet.

“Rachel?” she calls.

There’s some low shushing noises and Quinn’s reasonably confident that she hears someone being smacked. Her suspicion is confirmed when she rounds the corner and sees Kurt rubbing his arm, and staring at Rachel sourly.

“Q – Quinn!” Rachel says, her voice shaking a little frantically. “What can I do for you?”

Quinn glances between the two of them for a moment before replying, “I just wanted to check in. See if you needed any help with anything.”

Rachel smiles too-bright and wrings her hands together, the very picture of frazzled. “Oh not at all. Kurt and I were just – “

Rachel glances at Kurt, and he interjects.

“Discussing NYADA,” he says. “I’ll be auditioning again soon, so naturally I was grilling Rachel for details on what I should be working on.”

Rachel nods at him gratefully before turning to Quinn. “Should we head back downstairs? I thought I heard someone butchering the oeuvre of Justin Bieber down there.”

“Sugar,” Quinn supplies softly, still trying to wrap her head around whatever she’s just walked in to.

“I should have guessed,” Rachel says, her voice lilting up in exasperation.

“Quinn,” Kurt says, fitting an arm around Quinn’s shoulders and steering her back towards the basement. “Do you need a ride home this evening? You’re on my way.”

Quinn casts a glance at Rachel. “Um,” she says awkwardly. “Am I – well – Rach, what are your plans tonight?”

Rachel smiles at her, and for the first time in this exchange it reads as genuine. “You know you’re welcome to stay here, Quinn.”

Quinn shrugs a little and says, “We can just play it by ear,” knowing full well she won’t be taking Kurt up on his offer.

“Sounds fabulous,” Kurt says, dragging Quinn forwards. “Coming, Rachel?”

“Of course.”

 

Quinn makes it about ten minutes into her first class back before she gives up on paying attention at all, and logs in to Facebook. As she scrolls through her feed her eyes catch on Rachel’s name, and she has to smother a laugh with the heel of her hand. 

**Rachel Berry** _and_ **Alexis Davies** _are no longer listed as in a relationship._

She glances up at her professor, before snaking her hand into her purse to grab her phone. There’s a text from her mom waiting but she ignores it in favor of pulling up her conversation with Rachel.

 **8:44 AM:** _So sorry to hear about you and Alexis :(_

Rachel’s response is almost immediate.

 **8:44 AM:** Have you ever considered dropping out and pursuing a career in comedy?

A laugh slips past Quinn’s lips, just loud enough that a few people around her glance her way. She ducks her head sheepishly and types in her response.

 **8:46 AM:** _Almost constantly._

**8:46 AM:** Definitely take that impulse and run with it.

Quinn presses her tongue against her teeth and purses her lips, struggling against an outward reaction.

 **8:48 AM:** _Will do. So what was the straw that broke the camel’s back? Did one of you find a new fake gf to be Facebook official with?_

Quinn’s professor chooses that moment to break the class up into discussion groups, and in the shuffle of people and desks she forgets to check for a response. It’s not until her class is dismissed that she remembers Rachel.

 **8:53 AM:** Something like that.

She’s about to respond when another text comes through from her dorm neighbor, Jake.

 **9:36 AM:** Hey Q! Hope your first day back is going well. Will you be around your room later?

Quinn keys in a response while she weaves through the crowd of people pouring out of classrooms. She’s going to be late if she’s not careful.

**9:37 AM:** _Hey! Yeah I should be around after 4 or so. Why?_

**9:37 AM:** Just have something I wanna run by you. Have a good day!

 

It’s been a really long time since she last did this. It’s not that there haven’t been offers, it’s just that she’s been so focused on getting her bearings at school that there was never any time. She’s a little rusty at it, actually, but staring herself down in the mirror, she sees a little flash of something she forgot she even had in the first place. A winter’s worth of oversized Yale sweatshirts and leggings did a fine job of hiding it, in any case.

She’s just putting the final touches on her makeup when there’s a knock at the door.

 _Someone’s early_ she thinks to herself, stomach fluttering with nerves.

With a final glance in the mirror she opens the door. 

“Surprise,” Rachel says, grinning and brushing past her. “I have a gift for you - whoa – “ she trails off, giving Quinn a palpable once over. “You look – um – you look really beautiful, Quinn.”

“Thanks, I – “

“Oh my god.” Rachel’s face falls. “I’m interrupting something. You obviously have plans. Plans that you’re dressing up for.”

Quinn shifts awkwardly. “Yeah, sort of. I didn’t know you’d be coming in this weekend.”

“I was – “ Rachel’s eyes drop to the floor, and Quinn suddenly feels like she’s missed something really important here.

“It doesn’t matter,” Rachel says finally, shaking her head a little and plastering on a smile that Quinn knows is fake. “What do you have going on tonight?”

“You know Jake?” Quinn asks. “He lives on this floor. You’ve met him a few times.”

Rachel nods mutely, her expression faltering.

“He kind of – asked me out,” Quinn says. “So, we’re going to dinner tonight.”

There are a few moments of uneasy silence between them, before Rachel does the absolute weirdest thing Quinn has ever seen her do. She starts laughing. She starts laughing and she starts crying. At exactly the same time.

“Sorry,” Rachel wheezes out, eyes shiny and cheeks flushed red. “Sorry, this is so ridiculous. It’s just – “ she lets out a few stray giggles and asks, “Have you ever been so completely wrong about something, for so long, and then had it totally blow up in your face at the worst possible moment? Because this is what that looks like.”

“Rachel,” Quinn says, and she means to say something else, really she does, but she’s at a total loss here. It feels like she’s tuning in to a movie halfway through, or starting a book on the tenth chapter. She’s missing something, and if Rachel’s reaction is anything to go by, it’s something big.

Rachel’s laughter transitions jerkily into some truly pathetic sounding sniffles. Quinn watches Rachel run the sleeves of her coat under eyes, every breath rattling out shaky, and thin. 

She seems a little calmer now, so Quinn asks, “Are you okay?” 

Rachel glances up at her, almost as if she’d forgotten Quinn was there, and then rolls her eyes. 

“I’m fine, I’m just – ” she shrugs a shoulder slightly, and trails off. “So,” she says finally, offering Quinn a weak smile. “When’s your dinner?”

Quinn stares at Rachel for a cautious moment, then says, “Jake should be by to pick me up any minute. Rachel are you sure you’re – “

Rachel waves her off. “I’m fine, Quinn.”

“Okay,” Quinn replies uncertainly. “You know, I can reschedule dinner.”

“No, don’t.” Rachel shakes her head emphatically. “Actually, I should go. You’re busy and – I should really – go.”

“But you just got here,” Quinn says. “You should stay. Dinner will just take an hour or two, and then we could hang out after.”

“That’s nice of you to offer,” Rachel moves almost imperceptibly towards the door. “But I think it’s best that I leave.”

“If that’s what you want,” Quinn replies. “Wait, you said you had a gift for me. I’m not letting you out of here until I get my present,” she jokes, a last desperate attempt to lighten the mood.

“Right,” Rachel chews on the corner of her lip for a second, and then pulls something from her pocket. “Well, I wanted to surprise you with this.” She holds up a small, rectangular piece of paper. “It’s a ticket to the spring musical. I got the lead.”

“Rach that’s awesome!” Quinn grins. “Congratulations, I’m so – “

“You really don’t feel it?” Rachel says abruptly, her eyes flashing with something Quinn can’t place.

“Feel what?” 

Rachel shakes her head and her lips curve into something that could be a smile, but just – isn’t.

“If you really have to ask then I already have my answer,” she murmurs softly. “I’m gonna go. Have a good time tonight. Tell Jake I say hello.”

“No wait – “ Quinn steps between Rachel and the door. “I don’t understand what’s happening right now. Please just – tell me what’s wrong.”

“I am, apparently.”

“Rachel.”

“I’d like to leave now, Quinn.”

She should let Rachel go. It’s obvious that Rachel doesn’t want to be here anymore by the way she’s fidgeting incessantly and refusing to meet Quinn’s eyes. Quinn has enough self-respect nowadays to dismiss the people who aren’t interested in spending time with her, so the path here should be clear. Except, this is _Rachel_. It doesn’t make any sense.

And then, all at once, it does. 

Something clicks over in her head and suddenly, Quinn just _knows_.

“Oh, Rachel,” she says softly.

Rachel winces. “Don’t you dare. The very last thing I want you to feel for me is pity, Quinn.”

“That’s not what – “

“I’m going.” Rachel interjects, stepping around Quinn and reaching for the door handle. “I think my ego is sufficiently bruised for one day.”

She’s gone before Quinn can even decide if she wants to call after her or not.

 

“Well, here we are.”

Jake leans on the wall next to her door and smiles.

“I had a great time,” Quinn says.

He cocks his head and asks, “Did you? You seemed a little – distracted.”

Quinn winces. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be. I just had kind of a weird day.”

He shrugs. “That’s cool. We all have them. I was just worried I was boring you or something.”

“No, not at all,” Quinn brushes a hand lightly against his arm

“So, this weird day,” he says. “You wanna talk about it?”

Quinn mulls that over for a moment. “Do you remember Rachel?”

“Of course,” he laughs. “She’s around these parts more than some people who actually go to school here.”

Quinn smiles a little. “Yeah, well, we kind of got into a fight today. I didn’t know she was coming this weekend, but she showed up and then we kind of – argued about something and then she just left. I’m not sure what to do. She was pretty upset with me.”

He nods sympathetically. “You’ll work it out. You guys are best friends right?”

She’d never really thought about it that way. Sure, they hang out a lot, particularly given that they’re living in two different cities. When she thinks ‘best friend’, her head goes immediately to Santana, with Brittany following not far behind. But she hasn’t spoken to Santana in about a week, and Brittany only in passing a few days before that. 

She’s spoken to Rachel every day this week. And the one before that too. 

“Yeah well,” she finally murmurs. “It’s a little more complicated than that.”

He straightens out and offers her a shrug. “Things are never as complicated as they seem. We just build them up in our heads to avoid having to make any real decisions.”

“Okay, easy Intro Psych,” Quinn laughs.

“Ouch,” he says with a grin. “Seriously though, it’ll work out. You guys obviously really care about each other.”

“Yeah,” Quinn replies uncertainly.

“Well, I should get going,” he says, with a small wave. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Quinn echoes, watching his back retreat down the hall.

 

She gives up on homework after an hour’s fruitless effort, and gives up on sleep after another hour’s tossing and turning. 

This is why she has such a hard time understanding how anyone could consider themselves a ‘people person’. She doesn’t have the faintest idea what’s so great about people anyways. People raise you, clothe you, feed you and then throw you out on the streets for making one little mistake. They spend years grooming you for leadership, and then kick you off the team when your uniform gets the slightest bit snug. They put you on a pedestal, and then are all too happy to watch you fall from it.

 _People_ steal your boyfriend. And then they steal your other boyfriend. And then they steal that first boyfriend _again_. 

_People_ show up at your dorm unannounced, and set to work getting under absolutely every inch of your skin. _People_ stick around long enough to make you feel like maybe, for the first time, you understand what’s so great about people. _People_ then decide to turn up one night and completely dismantle everything you’ve come to count on, in one fell swoop.

 _People_ change the rules. They always have.

She can’t wait until she’s old enough to get a dog. If this is what she’s signing on for with people, she’d take slobber and pet dander any day of the week.

Of course, this whole argument might hold a little more weight if Quinn weren’t currently poring over Rachel’s Facebook page.

There’s nothing here, really. Nothing to help Quinn understand where things changed, where she should have felt things go wrong. 

She hates this feeling. She hates playing catch up. 

It makes her feel so stupid and powerless and frankly, a little pathetic because the only person she really has to talk about this stuff with is _Rachel_. The whole thing is just cosmically unfair. 

There’s a tiny voice in the back of her head telling her to just give up, call it a wash, to throw herself into this thing with Jake and just _forget_. But ignoring Rachel Berry has never been Quinn’s strong suit, and she’s never been one to give up on the things that matter to her.

She scrolls through Rachel’s profile until she finds the name she’s looking for. Her fingers shake over the keys a little as she clicks to open up a message, and begins to type.

_Hi_

_We’ve never met, but I’m a friend of Rachel Berry’s. This is going to sound really strange, but I’m wondering if you could help me out with something…_

 

New York City is exactly as vast and terrifying as she remembers it being.

The NYADA campus is especially busy, given that it’s a Saturday. There are students milling about everywhere, and Quinn feels distinctly out of place.

She glances down at the text that had greeted her when she’d stepped off the train just a few short minutes ago.

 **4:35 PM:** _I cleared u with our RA, so u should b good 2 go. We’re on the 3rd floor, room 316. Can’t w8 to meet u :)!!_

She’s not going to get a warmer welcome than that.

 

The little brass numbering on the door in front of her reads ‘316’, and the whiteboard beneath it has ‘Alexis and Rachel’s room :)’ in messy pink lettering. Just beneath that, in small, familiar writing: ‘Rachel Berry and Alexis Davies’ Room’. There’s a small, smudged star next to Rachel’s name.

She raises her fist to knock and despite all the evidence at her disposal, she’s kind of hoping she has the wrong room.

No such luck.

A tall, thin blonde girl spills out of the newly opened door, and hauls Quinn into the tightest hug she’s been on the receiving end of in years. 

“Oh my god!” The girl who must be Alexis squeals. “It’s so nice to finally meet you! Rach talks about you all the time!”

It’s then that Quinn catches a glimpse of Rachel over Alexis’ shoulder. She’s standing, dead still, in the middle of the room, staring at Quinn with dark, uncertain eyes. Quinn glances away, and peels herself out of Alexis’ grasp. 

“Nice to meet you, too,” she mutters quietly. 

Alexis grins at her, and then turns to Rachel and winks. “I’ll leave you two to it! Text me as soon as you’re available girls!”

With that she’s gone, and this is more or less where Quinn’s plan peters out. 

“So,” she says, stepping into the room and swinging the door shut behind her. “That’s Alexis.”

“What are you doing here, Quinn?”

Quinn bites down on the inside of her cheek and tries to suppress her body’s natural response to these kinds of situations, which is a quiet, seething panic. She squares her shoulders and lets the first thing that comes to mind spill out of her mouth.

“I want to come to your show,” she says quickly. 

“Well, you’re about three weeks early,” Rachel replies, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Right,” Quinn says, “Well, I’ll be here. You know, it’s pretty rude to offer someone something and then take it back, without even really giving it to them in the first place and – “

“Quinn – “

“Also did you know that we’re best friends? Because Jake pointed that out to me last night and honestly? I had no idea. Did you?”

Rachel’s lips quirk a little and she says, “I had my suspicions.” 

“Well, why didn’t you say anything?”

Rachel eyes flit towards the floor for a moment. “It’s a little more complicated than that, for me.”

“I – I’m not really sure what I’m doing here,” Quinn admits softly. “I don’t really know how to handle this kind of thing. I never have. I mean, you’ve seen firsthand how I usually deal with uncertainty and it’s not exactly ideal. It’s just – it’s scary for me. To feel like I’m not in control.”

“It was never my intention to scare you,” Rachel replies, shoulders stiffening.

“No, you didn’t let me finish,” Quinn says. “It feels different this time. Better, I guess. I’m not scared. I – I have you, now. I have you, and I don’t know what this means or what we’re going to do, but I’m not scared. I’m not.”

Rachel’s posture relaxes considerably and she cracks a tiny smile. “So I shouldn’t anticipate any hasty pregnancies or pink hair?”

Quinn grins. “I was thinking purple, maybe.”

Rachel rolls her eyes and, much to Quinn’s surprise, reaches up and tucks a strand of Quinn’s hair behind her ear.

“Please don’t,” she says with a smile, her fingers smoothing along the side of Quinn’s neck. “You have such lovely hair.”

They’re quiet for a moment, as Rachel’s thumb traces a slow path down the curve of Quinn’s jaw. It’s a little unnerving, this moment, but it feels important somehow too. Like an inevitability that she just needed a little longer to catch up to.

“You don’t need me, you know,” Rachel says, eyes crinkling at the edges.

“I know,” Quinn says, and means it, because she’s a far cry from the girl who needed someone to tell her that she was a lot more than she thought she was. “But I think I’ll keep you around anyways.”

There’s something exactly right about the way Rachel’s face scrunches up in response. Her fingers slow to halt and she smiles.

“You know,” she says. “If this were a romantic comedy, this would be the optimal moment for a first kiss. But, I know you’re not ready for that yet, which actually works out in my favor. I’ve come up with a pretty involved plan to woo you, so it would be a shame to let it go to waste.”

“God, what have I gotten myself into,” Quinn replies.

Rachel laughs and her hand drifts down to reach for Quinn’s. “You’ll just have to wait and see,” she says, tugging Quinn towards the door. “Come on, I have so much to show you, and only a limited amount of time before Alexis tracks us down.”

Quinn barely has time to swing the door shut behind them before Rachel starts marching them down the hall in full view of a decent number of her classmates. Most doors are open, and the hallway is crowded with people and for a moment, it gives Quinn pause.

“Wait,” Quinn pulls at their joined hands until Rachel turns back. Quinn squeezes lightly and says, “Are you sure this is okay? There’s a lot of people around and – I mean, this isn’t gonna hurt your career or anything is it?”

Rachel grins and tightens her grip on Quinn’s hand. “Frank Ocean came out as bisexual and then released one of the most critically acclaimed albums of 2012.”

“You’ve given this a lot of thought, huh?”

Rachel shrugs. “I’ve been told I can be a little single-minded, when I know what I want.”

“A little?”

Rachel just rolls her eyes, and doesn’t respond, which is fine. Quinn is content to just let Rachel lead them off someplace new.


End file.
